Last week I kicked off the 30 Things My Girls Should Know and shared 20 random facts about me. It was not only fun to try to come up with 20, but also to read other people’s facts who have jumped in to this challenge. You can see all of the details of this challenge here and jump right in and join us!
This weeks topic is – Three Legitimate Fears
First, I think it is interesting that we have to put “legitimate” in there – because isnt it crazy how once you become a parent, you are inundated with illegitimate or irrational fears? I have stupid mind-numbing fear sometimes about the dumbest things. I worry about them being home alone, I worry about them walking home from the bus stop, I worry about them going to parties, I worry about them pretty much doing anything when I am not in arms reach. What if they start choking on something while I am not there? What if they are approached by a stranger and they snatch them? What if they fall down and break their leg – they cant walk home!? What if The Teen gets pressured into drinking at a party and loses control of the situation? What if Midge’s bus hydroplanes on the wet roads? What if someone driving them gets in to a wreck? What if someone isnt watching them closely enough and they get too tired swimming?
Seriously, I could go on for days.
Part of it is from my own bad experiences as a young girl and teenager, some of it is from the craziness in the news, and some of it is probably from the eighteen million hours of crime shows I have watched… either way I have become someone who worries about everything. I realize that it has led to me keeping my girls unbelievably sheltered and naive… so far its working out… they are safe and I am manic.
But legitimate fears are harder for me to come up with. What makes it “legitimate?”
I am terrified of spiders – but don’t think that would keep me from beating one to bits with a shoe. I am scared of sharks – so I stay out of the water at dusk and dawn. I can spook myself at night looking out windows – so I have a daily ritual of going around and closing the blinds as it gets dark. But are those really legitimate fears? I dont know. So here is what I came up with that feels more… real.
1. I am scared of losing someone I love. First and foremost – this is my biggest, most overwhelming fear. Sadly, this has already happened way too much in my lifetime. As it probably has to everyone. I am scared of something happening and feeling that intense sadness again. Yes, I am a Believer and know the my loved ones are going to a better place and that I will see them again… but I still feel an emptiness there, and it scares me to know that some day I will have to feel that again.
2. I am afraid of heights… sometimes. I remember being pregnant with The Teen and nearly falling down a flight of stairs leaving my friends apartment. So sometimes I catch myself up high and get that “woa” moment looking over balconies and stuff. Usually after a minute though I am just fine – and my “fear” did not stop me from parasailing with Miss Blondie last Summer!
3. Not Being “Good Enough.” I am not sure where this fear comes from. Goodness knows my family was amazing about always telling me I was great – maybe to the point of making me feel a *bit* invincible LOL But for whatever reason I still have this fear of not being “good enough.” Not being a good enough mom or wife, not being a good enough coach, not being a good enough blogger… It isnt a paralyzing fear, but it is one of those things that seems to always be in the back of my mind.
I try not to let my fears consume me – especially the ones that I know are completely irrational. But they are still there. Maybe they will go away some day… maybe not. Maybe they will just be replaced with new even more ridiculous fears, who knows. I try not to think of them too much – I believe in self fulfilling prophecies – but they sneak in sometimes. I can usually shut them up with chocolate LOL
What are your fears?