This week has been tough. With Monday being a holiday and me spending the weekend in Atlanta, I went five days without hitting the gym and four days eating out – two of those days were spent driving a car for six hours. Needless to say this is a recipe for a setback with any weightloss efforts.
Wednesday when I went in to Malpica Fitness Studio… I felt awful. I was sluggish, lethargic, and frustrated. I had made the mistake of stepping on to the scale that morning and to be honest… it ruined my day.
Even though I could sit here and rationalize everything that the scale was telling me – and I had even expected it – it still pissed me off. And I carried that in to the studio with me. Before I could even speak, Fred said “Uhoh, you do not look happy.”
I told him everything, told him I was frustrated, told him I have been frustrated for two years, told him I was sick of this fight, I was sick of this being a constant in my life, I was sick of not being able to stick to something, I was sick of letting myself down, I was sick of my body not doing what I wanted it to, I was sick of having to think about this all of the damn time.
Fred let me rattle on a bit – just getting it out of my system. And when I was finished he simply said “Lynsey, I am begging you to get out of your head. Throw away your scale. Embrace this process – know that it IS a process, and STOP LETTING YOUR TYPE A PERSONALITY GET THE BEST OF YOU.”
No one has ever called me a Type A before. At least not to my face. And I had never really made the connection between my personality type and my efforts with getting fit… until that moment.
When he said it, it was like he hit the reset button. Not that I immediately changed my mood or my state – and certainly not that I have changed any bit of my personality – but I realized then that I was letting my “Type A” completely defeat myself, and suddenly it all made sense. Getting frustrated, getting pissed that I do not see a change on the scale after 5 days, comparing to what others have done in those 5 days and beating myself up for it…
The one that hit me the most was “unrealistic sense of urgency.” What am I in such a big damn hurry for? Why do I have to “see results quickly” in order to stick to something? Have you SEEN people that lose weight to quickly?!! Their skin just hangs from them like baggy clothing. I don’t want that.
I stepped in to the studio and strapped on my gloves and gave it my all. Though it wasn’t my “usual” best, it was my somewhat defeated best, but after it was over I felt fantastic. I spent the rest of the day trying to work through the crap in my head that is my “Type A” and figure out how I could overcome what is the very definition of ME to conquer getting into shape.
And when I went back yesterday, I was back to “me” again – the “me” that was there the first two weeks before I let my head get to me. I worked one solid hour – pushing through heavier weights, roaring through more reps – to the point that I had sweat dripping off of my earrings.
Like Fred said, it’s a process, and I am trying really hard to embrace it. I am throwing away the scale, sticking to the program he has given me, not comparing myself to anyone else, and embracing this slow, tedious, more-than-worth-it process of getting fit. I am also learning to celebrate “NSVs” – non scale victories – like the fact that I can lift way more than I could three weeks ago, my clothes are fitting better, I am liking what I see in pictures (BIG victory) and my endurance has improved significantly. Plus even Mike mentioned that I “have biceps now”… it might have been the sexiest thing he has ever said to me.