In the last couple of years I have obsessed about my weight. I am pretty sure I have done it since high school - but I do not remember it as vividly as I have in the last few years. I have "tried everything" from hiring an incredibly expensive personal trainer, drank "meal replacement" shakes, taken dozens of pills, started several gym memberships, did crossfit until I literally popped a rib out of socket and had to stop for risk of further injury, owned every FitBit product they have put out, done whole30 ad nauseum... you name it, I have done it.

About two weeks ago I just got SO sick of it ALL. I took off my FitBit, I ignored my scale, I stopped reading labels, skipped out on zumba - just took a mental break from everything weight loss related. I indulged in some treats - and over indulged in some cocktails - all while laughing with my friends to the point of tears.

It. Has.Been. Fantastic.

This week I have had a few very eye-opening moments, and it has made me stop and think about what my life has become and what I actually have been putting value and time and focus on. When I think of all of the time and energy I have put in to my weight over the last few years - it is depressingly sad. And with the exception of the 30 days of Whole30 - the weight has stayed the exact same. (I am proud to say I have not gained any pre-w30 weight back, but I have been within 1.5 pounds of the same weight since I completed it back in August) So all of that time in reality... has been wasted.

I spent a good part of this morning in a group text with two of my absolute closest friends that have known me since high school. The conversation somehow became weight and body image and society and how even though we are all very different in our weight / exercise routines / eating habits, we are all struggling with the exact same issues with our bodies - and our minds. It went in perfectly with how I have been feeling the last few weeks - these two best friends became my sounding board for everything that I have been feeling and surprisingly they have been feeling the same things too.

We said things like "why do we obsess over this crap?" and "why do we care what anyone else thinks?"

We all agreed that in general we are pretty happy with our own bodies - and our husbands are certainly happy with them - so why are we obsessing and letting society make use feel like we are anything less than exceptional? None of us are that overweight, nor does our weight affect our health or quality of life. So WHY can we not just shut up and quit stressing over it all the time? Why have we let this consume our thoughts and rob our joy? And why have we been made to feel bad about our choices? "Sometimes I just want an effing donut."

One friend mentioned how her mother in law has been on a diet ever since she met her. Every event - every holiday, every birthday party, every lunch, every everything - all has been centered around what she can or can not eat with the particular fad diet she was on. It made me think of just the other day when I asked Mike where he wanted to go to dinner, and he said "well, where can you go?" Now, I know this mother in law and I have always thought she looked fantastic, but I completely get what she has been doing the last 20+ years. She's been doing the exact same thing I have been doing. She has become addicted to dieting. I do not want to be that person. And I wonder if she even knows she is that person, or if it has become such a huge part of her identity that it is second nature.

Yesterday as I was strolling through Publix I saw the table of King Cakes. I passed them... and then turned around. I stood there for a minute - thinking how every Mardi Gras we always have a King Cake. Then I thought back over all of my whole30 training and how I didn't reach my weight loss goal last year and how I have a big event I am training for this year. I thought about how huge it was and wished they were smaller so I could have just a bit and not be tempted by the rest. I thought about how many people I have inspired to do Whole30 - which is fantastic - and wondered if I would be letting them down if they knew I ate a King Cake.

And then... I got the cake anyway. 

In that moment I made the conscious decision to just eat the cake. To stop worrying and obsessing over the scale. To stop telling myself what I "can't" have and focus on what I can - and what I want. To stop beating myself up over my choices and to just embrace life and focus on being HAPPY - whatever that means. I am not going off the rails and eat everything in sight and never break a sweat again - but I AM going to quit this awful self deprecating cycle that I have been doing for as many years as I can remember.

Some day I am going to look back on my 30's and I do not want every memory to be riddled with a weight issue and body struggles. I do not want my girls to look back on their childhood and remember every diet their Mom was on. And I do not want to even think about the time I have already wasted thinking about this crap already. I had this goal to "weigh 135 by 35" - and you know what... I really just do not care. I am going to turn 35 this year whether I weigh 135 or not. So why not just enjoy it - especially since I will be eating cake then too.

Today in text my friend said "I am going to be 40 in a few years, and while I do not have the desire to wear a bikini, I do have the desire to sit on the beach with my husband and sip pina coladas and not worry how many calories are in them." 

Me too, honey. Me too.

Photo credit: http://www.ambrosiabakery.com/mardi-gras-king-cakes

The last few weeks have made for some pretty amazing changes for me - many of which having to do with my Jean Size funny enough.  (hey, how you feel about yourself and how you feel overall are pretty intertwined)   Maybe it was because I finally wrote my Life List - giving me a constant and public list of things I wanted to achieve "in my lifetime."   Maybe it was just the start of another year that finally inspired me.  Maybe it was just making the decision to quit letting the sh*t from my past hold me back.  Yeah, probably it was that.

The biggest changes have been in my lifestyle when it comes to diet and exercise, and boy people are starting to take notice.  I have a picture on my computer that says "It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing.  It takes 8 weeks for friends and family.  It takes 12 weeks for the rest of the World."   Well, it's no surprise that here in the 15th week of the New Year I have received THREE requests for a "what in the world are you doing to lose all that weight" blog post.  SO - here's the secret:

PORTION CONTROL.

That's it.

I do not "diet."  I do not drink "shakes" for my meals.  I do not take pills.  And I certainly have no interest in having major surgery - I was never able to get THAT overweight that a doctor would do it for me anyway.

I am not depriving myself of anything.  I am not going to restaurants and eating celery while everyone else eats pasta.  I still eat things like Cowboy Casserole and Chicken Marsala.  I did go without drinking alcohol for about 6 weeks but I am happy to say that's over.   I eat whatever I want - whenever I want - I am just more aware of the amount I am eating.

But HOW do I do it? 

A few weeks into the year I was hanging out with my friend Trisha talking about how I really wasn’t seeing the results I had hoped for by eating “Clean”  – probably because I ate pretty “clean” all along.  We started talking about portions – it was like a lightbulb went off.

Trisha told me to “cook for one less person” at dinner time.  Since we are a family of four, I always cooked 4 chicken breasts, 4 hamburgers, 4 pork chops – whatever.  Well…. Taylor is FIVE.   She hardly needs an entire serving.  So usually since we had that extra “half” – Mike and I would end up eating what was left cause it “really wasnt enough to save.”  I began cooking for three instead of four - dividing the three portions into four servings - and lost 6 pounds in ten days.

I was hooked.

But that was the easy part.  What about all of the rest of the meals?  What about snacks?

You have probably heard the term “portion distortion” a million times.  Probably even seen pictures that show you what a meal should look like versus what it really does look like.    I have tried to keep those images in my mind every time I go to eat anything... and it has worked. 

1. Use smaller plates.

No matter whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner, using smaller plates will help you to train your brain to see that you are "cleaning your plate" even when it is only maybe half of what you are used to.  Plates have grown almost as much as our portions over the years, and those of us who grew up with a "clean your plate" parent have continued filling - and cleaning - those plates over and over again.

There is no reason why you need to eat from a plate much larger than the size of your hand.   This plate - which to most would be a "salad plate" - filled one time is ample food for a grown adult.  Will you still be hungry?  Possibly as you are adjusting to this new way of eating, you may.  But remember - if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten.

Remember that you are NOT "starving yourself" and do not let your brain tell you that this will not work because you are going to be miserable.   Give it 20 minutes for your food to settle and see if you are really still hungry.

2. Measure your snacks.

Is this annoying?  Lord yes.  Is it a pain in the butt?  Absolutely.  Is it necessary? YEP.  Anytime I get any kind of "snack" food, I spend some time portioning it out into my new favorite-invention-ever - Ziplock Snack Size bags.  I divvy things up into portions - regardless of how large or small that may be.  This way when I want a snack - and I recommend you have at least 2 a day - I can easily grab a bag and know I am getting exactly one serving.

3. When buying food, do not set yourself up for failure.

In our "Super Sized" world we have been taught that bigger is better.... unless of course you are talking about your weight.  Big Houses, Big Cars, Big Macs, Big Boobs - it's EVERYWHERE that things should be BIG.   Talk about a set up.

When grocery shopping - do not choose what is "big" but choose what is "better."   When choosing meats especially - a 16 ounce sirloin should feed your entire family... not just your husband.  There is a reason why filet mignon is such a great steak - it is tender, juicy.. and typically just the right size.  Even fruits and vegetables should be portioned out - there IS such a thing as "too much of a good thing."  Your body simply does not need that extra food.  Period.

The only thing that you should work towards being "BIG" in your life is your confidence and your bank account... justsayin.

4. Eat ⅔ vegetables and ⅓ meat.

When you are filling your small-ish plate, always load your veggies first.   It doesn't matter if it is all green beans - just make sure there are more of them than there is meat.   Obviously if you can steam those vegetables its even better - I still swear by my Westbend Food Steamer as a staple in any house that wants to be healthy.

Vegetables typically have less calories than whatever meats you have paired them with, so let yourself get "full" on the foods that are best for you.  Plus they will help with your digestive system and getting rid of all that stored up stuff you need to lose.

5. Drink enough water to float a minivan.

I am kidding... you only need to float a compact.

The thing is, most adults are devastatingly dehydrated.  Have you ever FELT thirsty?  Do you know that by the time you actually FEEL thirsty you could be 20 to 30% dehydrated!?   In fact most people mistake the "thirst" sensation for hunger - which only makes it worse if you do not drink enough while you are eating that food-you-were-not-really-hungry-for.

Water does incredible things for your body - including naturally suppressing hunger and helping to metabolize fat.  By drinking "ice cold" water you can really rev up your metabolism because your body will have to work extra hard to warm that water up for proper digestion.

Get in the habit of drinking tons and tons of water.   I even used an iPhone app that would sound an alarm every hour to remind me to drink a glass of water.  Don't judge - it worked.  Now I literally can not go anywhere without my water.

My favorite part about getting healthy with portion control is that it is something that it is quick, easy, controllable, cheap, and most importantly - I can do for a lifetime.   Everything else I have ever tried - from shakes to bars to pills to wraps - were not permanent, so I would lose a little while, and then go back to "normal" and pack it right back on.

Now my "normal" is reasonable portions of whatever I want.  I am not depressed about "dieting" - this isnt a diet.  It's a lifestyle change.  This isnt a get-to-my-ideal-weight-and-pig-out-again plan.  This is about being aware of what my body needs, aware of what it doesn't need, and caring enough to be disciplined to that above all else.

We simply do not need all that extra food.  Just like we do not need all of the extra weight.  Get rid of it.  Just resolve to change.  It really can be THAT easy.  Does it suck?  Yes, at times.  It is worth it?  Absolutely.  Get out of your HEAD and get to losing the weight.

I have recently begun weight training on top of my portion control - but I can tell you that is actually making me gain weight, so I do not attribute it to my initial weight loss success.  I do however know that it is helping all around and though the scale may be  creeping up from adding muscle, the jean sizes are still creeping down, and ultimately that is all that really matters to me.

Last week after hitting a big milestone in my weightloss - my Pre-Taylor weight - I decided to reward myself with a new pair of running shoes.  I have whined about shin splints for months and have continued to try to just "run through the pain" pretty unsuccessfully.  Well... I am happy to report that my shin splints are a thing of the past!

Many times over the last few months I have been told what a huge difference the "right shoes" make when it comes to shin splints.  I have tried many different shoes - from Asics to Nike - thinking that I was doing the right thing since the label on the box said "running shoes."

My Dad suggested early on that I head to Running Wild, a local specialty store with a focus on fitness.   Since 2000, Paul and Cherie Epstein have been professionally custom fitting runners at all levels, and have now even expanded into a complete training, injury prevention and fitness resource.   You can also find a listing of all Area Runs - most of which I didn't even know existed!  I do not know why I resisted going - maybe out of fear that they were going to tell me I would never be a runner again - but as usual my fears were way worse than any reality and I am celebrating and singing their praises every day now.

When you go to Running Wild, one of their specially trained "analysts" will watch you walk barefoot in a straight line to measure your gait - looking in particular at your ankles, knees and hips and how they move.   I was fearful I would have to run for them - which I always feel awkward doing - so I was glad that this was an easy, no pressure test.

When I told my person that I was suffering from shin splints her first question was "how often do you wear heels?"  Well.... the only shoes I own that do NOT have heels were my current "running" shoes. After watching me walk a few times she measured my feet and asked what size shoe I normally wore.  When I told her she grinned - sweetly acknowledging that I had even gotten that part wrong.

She came out with three different pairs of shoes and helped me put each one of them on.  Immediately with the first one I could tell they fit much tighter than the others I have had.  Not uncomfortable - but more snug around the center of my foot.  The second pair felt like it came up higher on the back of my heel.  The third pair was really rounded on the bottom which reminded me of those Sketchers Tone things that feel like your own personal carnival ride.

I walked around for a few minutes in each, rocking forward and backward, jogging in place, asking different questions... and then I did what any girl would do....

I chose the pink ones.

The "pink ones" are actually Brooks Adrenaline GTS 12 women's running shoes.  Now, obviously I don't know much about running shoes, but apparently these are pretty remarkable.  On the Brooks website the features are listed as:

This twelfth iteration of our most popular shoe is all about taking what’s great and making it even better. Adrenaline junkies can expect the same revered fit and feel with added upgrades like more mesh for breathability, a friction-resistance heel, and a crash pad that encompasses more strides.

That's runner speak for SAY GOODBYE TO SHIN SPLINTS BABY!

I broke the shoes in just wearing them around the house for a few days, but on Sunday I put them to the ultimate test - hitting the treadmill at the gym.   I warmed up as usual - did some minor stretching and then the exercise bike.   When I climbed up on the treadmill I looked at Christy and said "Ok... here we go," stuck my headphones in .... and RAN.

Painlessly. 

It was amazing.  I can't even put into words how great it was to run without feeling like my legs were breaking.  I am sooo thankful that I went to Running Wild, and they took such great care of me.  My dream of being a runner again got a LOT closer this week, and I am so very excited to take on some races this year!

Since beginning on the journey of Eating Clean this year, I have run across many conversations where the "jist" is that as long as you are eating healthy, clean food - you can just about eat as much as you want.   I understand the concept - putting good stuff in opposed to bad stuff will help your body run better- but I still wasnt seeing the results on the scale that I was hoping for by cutting out all processed food and not drinking any wine (or alcohol of any kind).... that is until this week.

Last Thursday I went to hang out with my friend Trisha just to get out of town for the day and have some much over due "girl time."   It was a relaxing day of walking around furniture stores and pet shops - me still trying to convince her that a ferret is a better pet for her daughter than a hamster.

Anyway.

We got on the subject somehow of weight and food that we eat and such and Trisha said - "I cook enough food for two people - and then divide it between the three of us."   I thought it was crazy since I have been cooking for my family of four for years now.  If it's chicken - four chicken breasts.  If pork - four pork chops.   I mean... there ARE four of us, right?

Wrong.

There are two adults, one preteen, and one child.  That DOES equal four PEOPLE.... but not four SERVINGS.

So starting the very next day - Friday - I began cooking for three people.   I gave Mike his portion, Sami her portion, and then I split the third portion in half and shared it with Taylor.  I also cooked two sides - but only enough for ⅔ people.  (i.e. one can of corn and one can of green beans)  We divided the vegetables up evenly.

Here are the results -

First off, no one went hungry.    When I changed the portion size I thought for sure we were all (wait - Taylor and I) were going to starve to death.  We havent. In fact I have felt comfortably full, and Taylor has happily finished her whole plate with the family, instead of taking forever.   Mike also hasnt been tempted to "help Taylor out" by finishing off her leftover portions.

Speaking of leftovers - there haven't been any.  There also hasnt been any waste.   Normally if I cooked and entire bag of chicken, we would have 2-3 breasts left over - IF we did not over eat and stuff ourselves with a second helping at dinner.  Now I only take out three pieces, and put the rest back into the fridge.  This week Mike and I have been having those "leftover" breasts for lunch the next day instead - saving us from eating junk food our going out to a restaurant to eat.

I also also excited that our garbage disposal hasnt gotten a work out this week.  When I was over-cooking, we would have a lot of left over waste.  Which is not only disheartening - but EXPENSIVE!  No wonder I was spending a fortune at the grocery store - I was throwing 30% of it AWAY!

My grocery bill / restaurant bill has been cut nearly in half.  I admit one of the "benefits" to working at home and being your own boss is getting to go out to eat for lunch wherever and whenever you want to.  However eating out for lunch every day is as hurtful to your wallet as it is to your waistline.   We have pretty much eliminated the need to go out to lunch since I can just pop the "leftover" meats on the grill,  and since now one package of meat lasts two meals instead of only one, my grocery bill is lighter.

But here is the biggest part.... I lost five pounds.   In five days.  Five pounds.  That's like a pound a day.

There are all kinds of tools to help you with portion control - decorative plates that tell you how much to fill with which food group, fancy schmancy food scales, "snack bowls" that are no bigger than the palm of your hand.... and they are all great.   However, if you are like me - feeding a FAMILY with even one young child, and need something just quick and easy that you can begin implementing as early as dinner tonight... just simply make one less serving.

Now that I am doing this, its seems like such a "no-brainer" but it took someone actually saying it out loud for it to click.  Even though I had been feeding my family healthier food, I was still overfeeding us all.   I will never cook four full portions for my family again.... or at least until Taylor is old enough to actually need a full portion... you know, when she is thirty.

Does portion control really matter?

My five pounds in five days says - OH YEAH!