A few weeks ago I was reading Molly Galbraith's blog – which I love – and she talked about having a case of the “eff its” –
You know, the days, weeks, or months where you are so sick and tired of giving a damn about what you’re “supposed” to eat or what you’re “scheduled” to do in the gym this week. It’s enough to make you want to: scream, cry, punch something, quit, or all of the above?
Yeah, I'm there.
Don't get me wrong, I am LOVING the changes I am seeing in my body. I am loving that even though I am hobbling today with my shin splints that yesterday I was doing 200 meter sprints on my daughters Middle School track… something I havent done since 1998.
I am loving that I pulled on a pair of jeans today only to take them off to look for the smaller pair that I like better cause they are tighter… and realized they WERE the smaller pair.
I am loving that I can now taste the preservatives and fat and stuff in “unclean” food, and that I noticeably feel different when I dont eat clean – which makes me naturally want to eat better tasting – i.e. healthier – foods.
I am loving that I have energy, feel great, and I didnt have to suffer in any way with pills, surgeries, or starving myself half to death.
But I am still suffering from the Eff Its.
Molly did a follow up post where she talked about how she did just say “eff it” for a few days to kinda refocus and recenter, and even posted pictures of her make-me-want-to-kill-her-amazing body after “effing it” for a few days… which naturally was flawless. (love ya, mean it) And when I first read it my thought was “well yeah if I looked like THAT I would have no guilt about saying eff it”….
But ya know what, I dont have to have any guilt anyway. Why do we DO that to ourselves?
I've lost 25 pounds this year. Remember this girl:
Yeah, well here I am now:
Yeah, I am proud of that. But in true Lynsey Form I didnt celebrate it, I only berated myself that I could have done more. And it has made me miserable.
So I am going to say “eff it” for a while… and I dont know how long. Truth is I realize I am not committed enough right now. I am just not that unhappy or uncomfortable where I am. I am a size 8 that should be a size 6… but you know what, a size 8 isnt bad. And I have had a butt on me since I was in Middle School so I am not real optimistic that it is going anywhere.
But I am very much “over” thinking about it all the time.
I am sick of feeling guilty after I eat something high in fat. Eff it. I am sick of feeling guilty when I dont get my run in ONE DAY. Eff it. I am sick of scouring over restaurant menus looking for something healthy or having to ask the server a million questions and order stuff “special” to save 100 calories. Eff it. I am sick of my girls saying “can we have something other than grilled chicken tonight?” Eff it. I am sick of weighing myself Every. Single. Morning. Eff it.
I am sure I will continue to walk because I enjoy it. I am sure I will continue to eat relatively clean because now it tastes better – but I will do both of those out of choice, not out of guilt or because I “have” to. It's the holidays. The girls and I had so much fun Monday night making Jack-o-Lantern Cake Pops and then I cussed at not being able to eat a single one of them. I am not going to feel that guilt through this entire holiday season.
So this is me officially saying “Eff It” – at least for a while. My plan is to retrain my brain to not stress over calories in/calories out and just chill on trying to get off this plateau – even if that means I gain a little. What difference does it make, really? I've got a wonderful man who loved me 25 pounds ago… why do I care? I've always said I would rather be fat and happy than thin and hungry.
If you are feeling the same way – overwhelmed by counting calories, sick of beating yourself up in your head, tired of depriving yourself of Grandma's macaroni and cheese which probably has enough calories for an entire week in one serving, sick of eating something and then feeling guilty afterwards…just say Eff It.
At least till January.