The “Girlfriend Code” Loses Again

A few months ago when I saw the trailer for Something Borrowed, it looked like a cute movie.   Not to mention the cast has three of my all time faves – Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin, and Colin Egglesfield.  (remember him in All My Children!?)

The plot is typical – two best friends – one the over achiever who has worked hard all of her life but still feels like she got the short end of the stick (Rachel), and the other who is beautiful and charismatic and has gotten everything she wanted simply on charm alone (Darcy).  They have been best friends practically all of their lives, doting stories of sleep overs and nights out and being inseparable. Their friendship is perfect – trusting, loyal – the kind of friendship that is so easily taken for granted.

Then…. a guy enters the picture.

Actually, Rachel meets him first in Law School, but is too shy to say she has a crush on him, so he ends up dating Darcy and eventually asking her to marry him.  Rachel is asked to be the Maid of Honor in the wedding, and it is on the eve of her birthday that she gets sad and desperate and ends up sleeping with her best friends fiance.   Even worse, she rationalizes it with the “I saw him first and she always gets what she wants. It is my turn.”

Strike one for the Girlfriend Code.

The story continues as the guy – Dex – continues his affair with Rachel while still planning a wedding and vacationing with Darcy.  He continues to sneak over to Rachel's, telling Darcy he has to “work late” – and as the affair continues, Rachel justifies it more and more to herself.  She begins to separate herself from Darcy – her friend who has stood by her on everything – for this guy.  She begins seeing him almost daily – sleeping together each time. They even begin to say “I love you.” to eachother.

Strike two for the Girlfriend Code.

Finally – a month before the wedding Rachel gives Dex an ultimatum to call off the wedding.  Yet again sailing her best friend – and Dex's fiance – down the river after her own intentions.  I won't give away the ending, but I will say that my exact thought when I finished was “Are you FREAKING kidding me, two wrongs do NOT make a right.”

Strike three for the Girlfriend Code. The man wins again.

What saddens me about all of this is that the Girlfriend Code continues to get lost over and over – with the shroud of “True Love” being the culprit. Excuse me for saying this, but that is bullshit.

Maybe I feel this strongly about it because I was on the receiving end of this – losing a best friend when a man I was seeing was courting her as well.  (*I* was Darcy!) It was nearly four years ago, and I am still mourning the loss of my friend.  The guy, naturally, is a total douche bag and was a complete was of my time and energy…. but I still miss my friend almost daily.  She was my “person” my “est end”  and a man got in the way of our friendship.

WHEN are we going to start putting our friendships first?  When are women going to realize the value of a best friend?  When are we going to stop letting MEN get in the way of our friendships?  When are we going to realize the value of a best friend, who will be there for you- even when you are wrong?

And before you go off telling me some story about how “it worked for you” – understand that my only point here is that I wish women would stick together, support each other, HELP each other, and stop constantly trying to tear each other down.  The “Crabs in a Bucket” theory is so sad, yet so prevalent in today's society – and mostly between women.

Please ladies let's stop doing this to each other.  Stop the cattiness, stop the jealousy, stop justifying hurting one another.  Stop tearing each other down so you can get ahead.  Stop thinking that a man who says “I love you” while being attached to another woman is someone you want in your life.  Stop thinking that “He won't do that to me.” (Don't be stupid sister, come on) Stop starting rumors, casting judgement, thinking the worst of each other, and not giving the benefit of the doubt.   Stop taking the men's word on it, and form your own decisions.  Stop being so desperate and dependent on a man that you are willing to cut the throat of your girlfriends.   You Just. Dont. Have. To.

One of my favorite quotes of all times is by Candace Bushnell from Sex and the City.

“Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with.”

I wish more women thought that way.

My friend Christina always told me – Men will come and go, but it is your girlfriends that will be around forever. Even after time passes, lives get busy, people move away – best friends are your most important assets in the World.   A true friend is worth more than anything money can buy.

Needless to say I was not impressed with the ending in the book, and as much as I like the three actors listed above, I will not be going to see the movie.  I wish the author had put more importance on the friendship than the guy, but then again, sadly, the Girlfriend Code always loses.