I have a confession. I have fallen way off the whole30 wagon. I am not sure exactly how or where it happened. A little bit of milk in my coffee here... a bite of chocolate after dinner there... It was like I looked at my plate one day and thought "what am I doing?" Crazy thing is that I was compliant during the holidays, had no problem staying away from the treats, didn't even go out drinking on New Years. None of those were my triggers. My "trigger"... was that I plateaued.
No matter what I have eaten since the end of my first whole30 round - compliant or not - I have not changed weight. No matter if I have exercised or not - I have not changed weight. Since August 7th of 2014 I have been within 1.5 pounds of the exact same weight up or down. No matter what.
And it seriously pisses me off.
I've started obsessing over the scale again - a habit I had broken with my whole30 round. I've begun thinking about food all the time again - eating stuff I know is not compliant, but what does it matter? I 'm not gaining or losing - so why not eat it? I started the negative self talk and beating myself up for my choices all over again. I even got to the point of "just eat the cake" because I am just miserable in this process - almost like post-whole30 blues. But it doesn't feel good.
I have "restarted" a couple whole30 rounds since August - however I have yet to complete one since my first. I always find a reason to fall off, a reason to quit, or I cave to the pressure of family and friends that have the "oh come on" attitude. And all the while I keep thinking "what does it matter... the scale isn't moving anyway."
But... it does matter.
I felt better on whole30. I looked better on whole30. I was happier on whole30.
For a few weeks now I have been talking about restarting another whole30, after my Girlfriends Getaway this week in Orlando. In fact, I have already begun eating mostly compliant, but I will not go 100% until I return on Monday. Part of me wanted to go ahead and start - why put off feeling/looking better - but I know that is a set up, and I am unwilling to give up on myself and fail another round again. I will eat mostly compliant while I am there - thankfully my bestie and fellow Whole30'er Joy is going with me - but I am not going to stress about it. I will begin the day I get home. And I will finish on April 30th. Yes. A Whole45. And... I will decide then if I will quit or not.
I am actually looking forward to this round more than I have the others. I have some great people on board with me, Angie from RunsWithCoffee will be joining in, and my friend Liz who I will be doing the POUNDFit Instructor Training with is jumping in as well, plus I have my amazing We Are Whole30 group on Facebook that I can turn to any time. My plan is to keep it simple - the way I did my very first round - and not over stress or over analyze, and just trust the process. I am also excited about some warmer temperatures and a chance to get outside. Call it an excuse if you want, but I hate being cold to the point of turning into a raging beast... trust me when I say it is better for everyone if I just hibernate.
And... watermelon will be back in season soon.
Unlike the times before, my goal is simply to finish a full 30 (well...45) days. No weight goal this time - its all about completion. Anything I gain or lose will simply be bonus. This is a test in finishing what I started after several times of stopping. Yes, I am going to document it. Yes, I am going to share it. Yes, I am going to be "that girl" with no apologies. Yes, I would like your support anyway. In fact, if you want to join me, I would love to do it together.
Hopefully I will break through this plateau. Hopefully I will again break the old, bad, self deprecating habits. Hopefully I will find that same happiness I had the day I completed my first whole30. No question, I will celebrate that I completed what I set out to do, regardless of the results.
This is me... getting back on the whole30 wagon.